Welcome to the Monkeyism Explanations page. This will attempt to explain the reasoning behind each monkeyism. Some are simple while others are very involved. Some explanations will take the form of syllogisms. These should not be viewed as condescending, we're just trying to explain them to the best of our collective ability. Here we also try to dispel any misconstrual that may offend. Enjoy.

1} Burning stuff is hot. / Females can be proverbially called, "hot" if they are "good looking". / Deserts are hot. Things in the deserts experience that heat. / Things that are flaming are in flames. Flames require heat to exist.

2} If you were in a human proofed box, you'd be frustrated too. (Assuming you're human, you filthy animal!) / . . .because people with writers' block are, by definition, frustrated.

3} This is a reference to the popular toy, the Rubik's Cube. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this toy, it is a puzzle whose objective is to return a 26 piece cube shaped contraption to its original formation where all its colors are matched up. Excessive use of such toys can be extremely frusterating for the untrained player.

4} Imagine, if you will, a monkey trapped in the aforementioned monkey-proof box. Now picture this monkey with its arms and legs sticking out pre-made holes in said box. Now picture our monkelian friend treading water at the bottom of a well. This monkey would not make it far because (see latre) monkeys can't swim. To add to the feeling of lowness for the monkey, we have increased the pressure in the well by exchanging the water for soup. / Dutch people and things are from Holland. This region is also known as the Netherlands, meaning literally, the lowlands. This implies that things from there are, by nature, low.

5} Roasted foods are often tasty. / Things being covered in chocolate can render them tasty despite one's initial assumption that they are nasty. / Nougat is an unexplained wonder substance. Every chocolate bar that fills itself with sweet, chemical-based filling bills itself as having "nougat" though no attempt is made to explain the exact contents of the nougat to the casual observer. Said observer can only assume that "nougat" is something he/she wants to eat.

6} Everybody needs a little KFM. / See Monty Python's "Crunchy Frog" sketch.

7} A monkey bound for college would have to pack its belongings.

8} Taxidermy is the art of stuffing animals. / For the traditional Thanksgiving meal, a monkey's innards are removed and it is stuffed with other delicacies.

9} Conventional mathematics dictates that 3 is an odd number. Picture a monkey wearing such a number on its head. heh heh

10} Traditionally, the American Christmas character, Santa Claus dresses in a red suit. / Human blood, when exposed to air, appears red and so does that which is covered in it. / What's the difference between red and white wine if both are made with red grapes? Red wine takes on the coloring of the part of the grape that renders it red, the skins (or rinds) of the grapes. Q.E.D.

11} Monkeys usually (See latre.) have hair.

12} Most animals omit foul odors. The monkey is no exception. / Creatures tend to omit less malodorous fumes after they have bathed.

13} Many substances revert to their liquid state when raised to high enough tempatatures (i. e. melted). Liquids are wet. / Don't be alarmed or disillusioned. You may have been told all your life that "sea monkeys" are not really monkeys. Whoever told you that was correct. However, sea monkeys do live in water and therefore spend most of their time in a wet state.

14} The Spanish suffix "_____-ito" means "small _____." For reference, see the child, Coyotito (little coyote) from Steinbeck's The Pearl.

15} In the song "Trunkaphone" by Mary J. Bligh she says, "Let's get it trunkaphone." Later in the song she says, "Let's get it percolated." So if you take a monkey and mix it with trunkaphone, you would get a monkaphone. Obviousely the next step would be to call the monkaphone percolated, because percolated is in the same song.

16} In a vernacular specific to a very localised region of the United States, it is common to express words by way of their rhymes whose first letter or sound is changed. According to this rule, "wheat" is synonymous with "sweet." / In days gone by, it was common practice for people to mask the unpleasantness of taste of an orally injested object such as a pill by coating it in sugar, rendering it sweet.

17} The adjective, "giant" is merely an intensive form of "big." The creatures named by this adjective possess this trait.

18} Here reference is made to the English verb to stogg. This word's meaning derives from a cobination of the verbs to go and to stop. It's true meaning is that of the former, whose reverse in spelling it is (See #16.) while the mere convenience of sound relates it to the latter. Thus, one generally moves forward when stogging.

19} A wussy monkey, or monkey that is a wuss, is too cautious or afraid to do anything that might be dangerous. / See above. Replace "wussy" with "brown."

20} Or is it a monkey black? It's more expensive than a monkey red, just like Johnny Walker.

21} Boats are made of wood. So are bridges. See Monty Pyhton's Witch sketch. / It is known that anything of wood is wooden. Therefore, Rendsburg, fanatic of the series of books by J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings, is also fanatic of the movies fashioned after those books which star Elijah Wood in the lead role, making him of wood, and therefore, wood. See Monty Python's Witch sketch.

22} The familiar course of study in the United States in modern times flies directly in the face of classical logic as given by Socrates and his contemporaries.

23} Granted, they have weird, little, beaty, red eyes, one would have to agree that the albino monkey, simias albus, is generally white in complexion. / Paper towels, the sort used to clean small messes and then be discarded, are often white or brown. If it is brown, this Monkeyism still applies: White fades and becomes yellow. Yellow is proverbially the color of cowardice. Cowardice is a characteristic displayed by the subjects of #19, which include the brown monkey. / To bleach something is to make it white. So has it been since days of yore. / The reference here is to Gus or Casper, not Inky, Pinky, Blinky and Clyde.

24} In a more perfect world, we'd all be called the Flimpsons. And, Eli's head would be clear with a strobing blacklight to illuminate his phosphorescent brain and confuse an opponent to give him enough time to strike with his scorpion tail and/or snake tongue and retreat into his turtle shell. / Trans+luc+ent = Goes through+light+adjectivity suffix / The object on the other side of a perfectly hewn glass monkey can be seen quite clearly.

25} This has nothing to do with the monkey's shape, rather its position relative to an arbitrary starting point. It moves around said point until it gets to the end. . .Then it comes back.

26} Naked monkey rat - sick!

27} Waxed or / polished floors reflect your image in them but don't go ice guitaring. It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye!

28} During Pablo Picasso's so-called "blue period," he painted scenes that were predominantly blue and always depressing or sad. Hence, the color blue was associated with such emotions.

29} To be quite technical, an octomonkey would have eight furry arms, legs and prehensile tails. But given so many options, why not slap on some tenticles also?

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31} This is a reference to a moving picture show of the early aughts. Feel free to move on if you are not culturally literate enough to pick it up from there.

32} Monkeys are known for eating bananas all the time. . .

33} The schedules of people that are busy in that they have a lot of appointments cause those people to say that they are "tied up," referring to their state of temporal "bondage" which doesn't allow them the freedom to engage in other activities.

34} Monkeys like this have cruising speeds in excess of Mach 1. /

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